Saving your marriage is hard work – are you willing?
If your marriage is about to plunge off a cliff, there’s a lot you can do to save it, but the rescue isn't going to be easy, according to iMom.
“To avoid an unnecessary divorce, it is not enough to start with a loving commitment, or even with a religiously grounded commitment,” advises the popular website that offers daily ideas, insight and updates to inspire you to love your spouse and your family. “The battlefields of divorce are strewn with the carcasses of couples who started out with love, commitment, and good intentions.”
So many are like Jed and Rose King, the inspiring, loving couple in THE SONG, a movie based on the exciting, sexy, lusty poetry found in the Bible’s Song of Solomon – that almost R-rated epic written thousands of years ago by the amorous King Solomon, who offers almost too much information about his lovemaking with his wife, Rose of Sharon.
However, turn a few pages and the same ancient king is wallowing in the depths of despair in the Book of Ecclesiastes.
Stresses and dissatisfactions will mount in any marriage – ancient, in the movies or in your home, advises iMom. So, if you want to fight back, “speak about the good of your marriage, not just about your own good. Instead of just saying, ‘I need you to listen more to me, and you are not doing it,’ you can add, ‘I’m sure that it’s hard for you that I am so upset with you about this. This is not good for our marriage.’”
Citing Dr. Bill Doherty’s book Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart, iMom says many couples give up too easily. They start down a path and then head toward divorce as if it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Refuse to lose, advises iMom: “Decide you are going to work on personal, unilateral change for the sake of your marriage.”
Of course, that’s easier said than done for most of us – including Jed King in THE SONG. Played by real-life musician Alan Powell, Jed is the frustrated son of a legendary music superstar.
After years of cringing in the shadows of his dad’s career, Jed – like Frank Sinatra’s daughter Nancy with “These Boots Are Made for Walking” and Pat Boone’s daughter Debbie with “You Light Up My Life” – Jed suddenly makes it to the big time with a mega-hit, “The Song,” describing his deep love for his wife.
However, the song’s instant success threatens to undermine the very marriage that it glorifies. Thrust into the spotlight, Jed is suddenly in enormous demand – basking in the applause of thousands, performing night after night before adoring crowds. He shares the stage with a sultry violinist played by Ari Faulkner of the Twilight movie saga. There’s a spark between them that can’t be ignored – an exciting attraction. A sexual tension. The audience sees it and cheers. Jed feels it and feels young and alive. Rose sees it and feels betrayed and forgotten.
What can a spouse do in such a situation? Their marriage is in danger of collapse – but what can anybody do about it?
“Some couples divorce because they get into a standoff about who is going to change first,” notes iMom. “Someone has to start, preferably telling the other what you are doing and why, so that they know what is happening.
“If you are very angry or frustrated with your spouse over an ongoing problem, ask yourself if this is a ‘marriage breaker’ if nothing changes,” advises iMom, again citing Dr. Doherty’s counsel. “A spouse’s repeated affairs might be in that category, or an ongoing chain of hostile and demeaning behavior towards your children in a remarriage.
“Insist that the two of you get help together. Don’t accept ‘no’ from your spouse about this. Not seeking help for a failing marriage is a form of irresponsibility akin to not seeking medical attention when a family member is seriously ill.”
But will Jed and Rose do what has to be done?
THE SONG, released by Samuel Goldwyn Films, comes to theaters nationwide on September 26. To find a theater near you, check on times or buy tickets, click HERE.